Friday, September 19, 2008

Barack Obama and the Bruce Lee Counterpunch(

Posted on on 9/11/08

Last week, in a post that I wrote for entitled "My Unsolicited Advice to Camp Obama: Sarah Palin", I suggested what a lot of Obama supporters were saying at the time. That Barack Obama would be much better served keeping his eye on the ball and solely attacking John McCain. My fear then was that even the most innocent reference of the Governor of Alaska, no matter how fair and politically legitimate, would induce clumsy cries of sexism from the McCain campaign. Nonsensical charges that the no account media would shamelessly devour the same way they always digest politics devoid of anything closely resembling substance. Well, I was about half right. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I was absolutely wrong about Obama's need to ignore Palin. As long as the media sat there with their collective thumbs up their asses as Sarah Palin tried to unfairly define herself as a "Maverick"(She originally supported the "Bridge to Nowhere", collected $27 Million in earmarks for her 6,000 person town in Wasilla) - if Obama had truly ignored her, Palin would have successfully transformed herself into a Moose hunting version of Norma Rae and shit. Obama couldn't let that happen. But when it came to my assessment that the McCain campaign would characterize any criticism as "sexsim", whether it had to do with Sarah Palin or not, was pretty spot on.(Even though it didn't exactly require a crystal ball or your garden variety clairvoyant to see that one coming.) We witnessed a bit of that over the last couple of days by Team McCain when Barack Obama used the phrase " can't put lipstick on a pig" while referring to John McCain unbelievable attempt to recast himself as an agent of change - charges of "sexism" came both fast and furious. Like my colleague Jeff Chang so succinctly put it yesterday, "The Silly Season is In".

Listen, I'm pretty sure that Barack Obama receives so much Monday Morning Quarterbacking from folks like me and those of my ilk, that as soon as he hears the first syllable of the word "suggestion" he probably vomits inside his mouth just a little bit. But the other day, as I got completely baked while watching "Enter the Dragon" with a 40 something divorcee who lives down the street(don't ask), I was reminded of a common Bruce Lee characteristic that Obama should be exhibiting every time he is falsely accused of "sexism", or any other laughable charge for that matter. Have you ever noticed that Bruce Lee's most damaging punches are almost always when he was counter-striking? Using the other person's force against them, most of the time exposing their weaknesses. Wild right punches would be met with Bruce very cavalierly stepping to the side and smashing you in your snot box with a demoralizing left punch. Grabbing Bruce from behind without a particular game-plan to speak of would leave him the option of breaking some of his opponents ribs with some well placed elbows, even possibly backward headbutts or stomps to the instep to make his point that much clearer. I feel that Obama should implore the exact same strategy, pivot off of fundamentally baseless attacks, and effectively counterstrike with a substantively damaging arsenal.

For example:

1.Even though the legislation was not sponsored by Barack Obama, it never became law, and it was originally designed to warn children about sexual predators - McCain has a sleezy ad out saying that Obama wants to teach sex-ed to kindergarteners.

Suggested Bruce Lee Counter Punch: Have an ad blasting John McCain for lying, and at the end have the commentator ask "Why is John McCain siding with pedophiles?"

This whole lipstick on a pig business, or any other felonious attempt to cry sexism to mask Sarah Palin basically being Dan Quale with a ponytail..

Suggested Bruce Lee Counterpuch: A Campaign ad referencing John McCain's horrendous record when it comes to equal pay for women, the time he responded with "good question" after a woman who aked him "How are we going to beat the bitch?" referencing Hillary Clinton, the time he had said he was going to "beat Hillary like a drum", and the million other knuckle-dragging statements the Arizona Senator has uttered in his extremely lengthy lifetime.

3.Whenever John McCain, his campaign manager, or one his surrogates are asked about the nasty tone that the political campaigns have taken - more times than not they will blame Barack Obama for not accompanying John McCain in those phony joint townhalls he had proposed months ago. Suggesting that this political season would be a case study in civility if Obama had simply agreed to them. Is it me, or does this all have a creepy "I wouldn't have done it, if she wearing wearing such a tight skirt" rapist feel to it?

Suggested Bruce Lee Counterpuch: Go after Karl Rove. Despite the fact that he's been somewhat vague about his relationship with the McCain campaign, he is completely on board, do not get it twisted. Obama should directly target Karl Rove in campaign ads, flash images of what Karl Rove's handywork(getting Bush elected) has resulted in - Home forclosures, Abu Ghraib, Katrina, insert your favorite abomination. End the ad explaining that John McCain has chosen to hire the same rogues gallery of douchebags who smeared his family in 2000. Let americans come to their own conclusions on what that particularly says about John McCain's "character".

Thursday, September 04, 2008

My Unsolicited Advice to Camp Obama: Sarah Palin(Vibe)

*Posted on last night, before her Hitler Youth-esque speech*

After emerging from a four day drinking binge brought on by my 35th Birthday(August 31st), now having to deal with the fresh memories of tongue kissing strange women who I'd usually refuse innocuous hugs to, and other random acts of douchebaggery that will have me apologizing to my friends from now until Christmas time - I find that the main topic of conversation has shifted from Barack Obama's brilliant acceptance speech to John McCain's Vice Presidential Pick Sarah Palin. First of all, as an outside observer who has waited until right now to blog about the Alaska Governor, watching the unfavorable details of her life continuously drip out like a leaky faucet - it feels like I'm watching the 2008 version of "Married with Children". A ditsy wife(The Pledge of Allegiance hiccup, not knowing what a Vice president does) married to guy who has a penchant for throwing a "few back" every now and then(he had a DUI years ago), and a feisty daughter who undoubtedly likes to get her unadulterated fuck on. Real talk, if it turns out that one of her sons has a penchant for reciting malformed lyrics while referring to himself as "Grandmaster B", my fucking head is going to explode. I mean, Obama had it right yesterday when he emphatically said that family is off limits. As much as I want to win this election, I agree with Senator Obama, Bristol Palin's pregnancy is a family matter and shouldn't be meticulously picked over by the press the same way a vulture might pick over a rotting carcass. That being said, there will be no pity parties from me the likes of me though. Imagine for one moment that Obama was the one who had a pregnant teenage daughter. The same right wing bloviators who are crying crocodile tears when they aren't exhibiting other forms of histrionics over the media coverage of Bristol Palin, would openly question Obama's "Family values" and equate the unplanned pregnancy with his subpar parental abilities. Even dropping ads with the tag-line "If he can't properly lead his own daughter, how does he plan to lead the country?"

Another reason I'm not exactly the most sympathetic in terms of the media's watchful eye of the Palin's, is all the scrutiny Michelle Obama has received over the past year - and the nonexistent criticism thrown in Todd Palin's direction. Michelle Obama was called "unpatriotic" because of an inartful attempt to express her love for her country, and Todd Palin can be a card carrying member of AIP,(Alaska Independence Party)a radical group that advocates for Alaskan secession from the United States - and there isn't a fucking peep. Like I said, save the pity parties.

That being said, lets get the reason for the Palin pick and how to counter it. First off, forget about the steaming pile of spin coming from Camp McCain that they picked Sarah Palin because of her "intriguing story" and her appeal to working class voters. Their misguided and rushed choice was because they wanted to change the narrative off of Obama's brilliant acceptance speech, but more importantly, they made the deadly mistake of listening to too many of those inbred PUMA members and thought that they actually had a chance to woo the Hillary Clinton supporters who don't want to go back to a time when there were ritualistic cross burnings. Petulantly impulsive, like that girl you break up who proceeds to inform you a week later that she got her revenge on you by blowing 14 guys in a club parking lot - you're the one with, um, "egg" on your face! So now that it looks as though women aren't as hopelessly gullible as the McCain camp would have hoped, now they are going to try to make the argument that takes more sack than a Hall of Fame full of linebackers: That she has more experience than Obama. Even though her speech tonight will be a smashing success, based on the bar being as low as most midget limbo contests, Obama will still find himself residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If he listens to my unsolicited advice that is.

"Cause people from a distance can't tell who is who": The whole Jay-Z quote from "The Takeover": "A wise man told me don't argue with fools, cause people from a distance can't tell who is who!" Barack Obama should simply ignore Sarah Palin, and for that matter the McCain camp as a whole, every time they make the Pilates reach of an argument that the Governor from Alaska has more experience than him. They need to keep their collective eyes on the ball, and continue to take every available opportunity to link John McCain to George Bush - because engaging in silly back and forth about Obama's experience as opposed to Palin's just gives relevance to their glass licking argument. No responses, no campaign commercials - let the surrogates, and responsible members of the media dismantle that flimsy claim.

"You are dead to me Fredo": How many times have we witnessed some wildly unpopular rapper desperately try to make a name for himself and diss an already established MC? I've always noticed that a non response is the most insulting, because it suggests that the new provocateur wasn't even worth their fucking time. Its not that Obama should disregard her in a condescending way, but a forceful counter-strike to any number of Pailn's future attacks could be turned around as they trying to bully a woman. Team Obama should either use female surrogates like Claire McCaskill, or possible Hillary Clinton(if she'd be on board) to brunt any attack - or either preface their rebuttal with what exactly Palin had stated.(So people would know that a response was warranted)

Debate: Biden vs Palin: The conventional wisdom is that Joe Biden will drink Sarah Palin's milkshake in a debate. It is also conventional wisdom that he could severely overplay his hand and appear condescending, thus winning her some sympathy points among millions of important American viewers.(Something that I feel won't happen since Biden had ample experience debating Hillary Clinton.) That being said, he does have to be careful. Let her trip herself up , and ever so often Biden should slip his impressive resume into the conversation: "Once, around the time I called Slobodan Milosevic a war criminal to his face...."

*Extra*: On MSNBC, Chuck Toddy, Mike Murphy, and Peggy Noonan criticize the Palin Pick while not knowing their mics were still hot.

John Stewart: The Sarah Palin Gender Card