Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I saw this video on Youtube and immediately felt the sudden need to apologize to my cousin John. When we were kids, because I'm a prick who happened to be 4 years older than him, I would torture the poor kid in ever way imaginable. I would break his skateboard, lock him in small closets, throw one of his shoes out of a moving car, throw one of his shoes in a lake, steal his chicken McNuggets, your classic older cousin bullshit. John has not only grown up to be a great dude, he is about 6'5 and full of muscle. He claims that he doesn't remember me fucking with him to no end when we were adolescents, and I hope he really means that, because it is my firm belief that my baby cousin could have me pissing myself in the fetal position somewhere if he wanted to. John, dear cousin, if you are reading this let me say right now that I'm sorry, and if you have me on a short list of people you want to assassinate, please be a pal and take me off. Because I'd hate to sound like that car jack victim in "Menace to Society" that was being robbed by the Kane character, and say to you as I'm staring down the barrel of a gun: "Come on, we're supposed to be brothers!!!!!"
(To cut time, fast forward the video to the 2:57 mark)