Sometimes in life you are forced to deal with a raw reality that is hard for most people to deal with. There was the time I saw Lawrence Taylor sitting in an airport when I was a kid, I nervously approached him, stammering like any excited kid asking his hero for an autograph. I soon came to the uncut reality that L.T was a dickhead, as he acted like I interrupted him while he was taking a shit as he signed my football.(I'm sure he still remembers a 12 year old boy that once ripped up his autograph, walking away telling him to "suck" his "dick") Or the time that my father sat me down and told me that my mother was married before, and that he wasn't the blood father of my two siblings. It's not a big deal, those are still my siblings its just I felt weird for a couple of reasons. One, how long it took for them to tell me(I was 13) and Two, my father buying me a computer.(It kind of felt like hush money. You know, me and my mother have never discussed her first husband. Never, I'm 32 fucking years old.)There was also the time I was dating a woman from England named Rose, who had me thinking that I was absolutely "blowing her back out" in the sex department. That was until she left me a message on my machine and failed to hang her phone up completely, so the next few minutes I heard her laugh with her friends as she said how "uninteresting" I was in the sack and she also said, "That bloak sure has a stubby knob."(Even though she was foul, hearing a British woman diss you didn't seem that bad at the time.)
Recently I had to come to the conclusion while giving a neighborhood kid a couple of dollars for his "anti-drug" charity drive his school was having, and giving him a lengthy lecture on how bad marijuana is that I'm a big fucking hypocrite.(I must be the first motherfucker to give a "Just say no" speech with an ounce of weed in my pocket.) I know that we all as humans have a bit of good old hypocrisy running through our veins, but with me it is so fucking blatant I wouldn't blame any of you for thinking that I am completely full of shit.(I'm sure many of you do.) I guess I'm in good company, KRS One can talk about being non violent but still rap about guns, Vince Carter can say a guy isn't a team player but he's the one gave up on the Raptors, Michael Irving can talk shit about Randy Moss but he's the same guy caught in a hotel room with hookers and enough blow to kill "Scarface". Fuck it, lets go into my hypocrisies...
Violence in Hip Hop: I have had more women not want to fuck me more than the times that I wax ad nauseam about the decline of Hip Hop. I know the shit gets tired, and I apologize, it's just that I'm just an asshole who is the epitome of what a music snob looks and sounds like. Simply put, I just think that I'm right and your miserable ass is wrong, period. (An ideology that served me well on the debate team in High School, but not in life) My main target has been the constant displays of violent images in Hip Hop, and the way the entire genre is marketed on murder. Anybody who reads this blog knows how I speak so affectionately of the old times, when hip hop was pure and real.(Whah, Whah, Whah, Charlie Brown's fucking teacher!!)
Here comes the Hypocrisy!!: The funny thing about the above paragraph is that my dumb ass has always loved N.W.A. For someone who gives such a Norman Rockwell-esque view of Old School Hip Hop and it's "purity", I sure love rapping along while Ice Cube and MC Ren tell stories of having sex with crack feins, shooting up parties with Automatic weapons, or loudly calling a woman out of her name while sporadically engaging is impromptu coitus. My current favorite is M.O.P, even though I talk that "how horrible violence is in Hip Hop" shit, you can see me bopping my head in my car as Lil Fame eloquently says that he is about to "Break up more crews than Mills Lane" due to the accuracy of his machine gun. Nothing says "hypocrisy" more than me making machine gun sounds in my car to a DJ Premiere produced M.O.P track.
Misogyny: Even though I have been pretty much a prick since August 31st, 1973, I have always truly loved and admired women, due to having a remarkable mother. I really think that the way women are treated in music videos is deplorable, being used as pieces of meat, totally devalued. B.E.T is the worst network ever, they are a constant minstrel show of negative imagery, the worst example of that is the video show "UnCut" that they show late nights. I have seen butter rubbed on broads in some of those videos, a credit cards being swiped between the ass-cheeks of a dancer, and other random acts of buffoonery that would make all of our deceased civil rights leaders spin in their graves..
Here comes the Hypocrisy!! I'm going to be honest, and I don't know what other way to put it, but a brother loves titties. I try to be positive, and I am sort of sickened by some of the images in Hip Hop, but the sex addict in me can't make me totally hate it.(Shit, I am a germaphobic sexual addict. I guess that's a kin to being an alcoholic wine taster..) I know that I have talked shit about strip clubs before, but seeing titties just calms a brothers soul. It's going to get to the point where me and my wife get into a heated argument and all she has to do is life up her shirt, argument over. Even though my feelings about that "UnCut" show are legitimate, sometimes I catch myself watching it in a fake "look at the trash B.E.T puts on!!" way but I'm really glued to it in a "look at the ass on her!!" way.
Macho guy crap: For those people in my life that don't know about my tales of violence, drug use, or random debauchery, my black ass can come off a bit preachy. If I had a dollar for each time I gave a young black person a "don't fall into that macho-guy shit" speech, I can buy that inflatable women I have been saving for.(Hey, it says the mouth feels real!) What macho guy crap you ask? You know, the "what do you think you're looking at!!", "You stepped on my shoe mother fucker!!", "I know you didn't bump me!!", you know, the standard ignorant male shit. Man, do I talk a good game, coming off as a wanna-be black leader as I attempt to steer young black males to the promised land as I lead by example.
Here comes the Hypocrisy!!: I really do think those ignorant actions are deplorable, I really do, that's not to say that I don't engage in them once in a while. I don't know what it is fellas, but isn't there something irritating about some asshole in a club looking at you like you were responsible for the war in Iraq, or the failing economy? As much as I think about my previous preachy sermons I give on the subject, I always end up asking a gentleman "What in the fuck are you looking at??", which usually follows a side order of neck violence. Even though I am better with people stepping on my shoe or bumping me, but if they don't say excuse me immediately I am about to read them the riot act. Like this asshole who stepped on my shoe not once, but twice without saying "excuse me". I called myself being the better man, ignoring it the first time, but couldn't take the blatant disrespect anymore so I grabbed the "Pimp Cup" that he was holding and threw it against the wall. After it shattered to a million pieces, he didn't want to fight me, he just looked hurt and said, "That cost me a lot of money." Damn, I never knew a person could be so emotionally invested in a Pimp Cup.
I'll never be like my father!!: I take credit for my shit-heel actions over the course of my life, I really do, but my fathers influence is definitely mixed in the emotional gumbo that I call my brain. Yeah, he fucked me up, but I swore that I would never be like him. The verbal abuse, the degrading things that he used to say to break down my spirit, the emotional roller-coaster I was on because one second he would be the coolest motherfucker on earth and the next the anti-Christ. Also, the man was tactless, and there is no way that I will never become the man he was.
Here comes the Hypocrisy!!: I'm a lot like him, minus the "degrading people" part. But I am tactless, I will say anything to anybody regardless of the situation, and pretty much sleep well that night like it wasn't shit. I'm not proud of this, but like Linda Blair in the "Exorcist", some of the foulest shit comes out of my mouth when I'm mad. Not only that, when a few friends came over my house to help me with something and accidentally messed up, the words "What are you fucking retarded??" almost made their way out of my mouth.(That was my father's favorite saying) Fuck man, I really have to fix that..